.tranformations of the heart.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."

I never thought that this would be life.
Not my life.
Not in the broken down state I had gotten myself into.

All i could really do is follow.
so i watched you.
and captivated by the freedom you'd somehow found,
i did what you do.
i did what you do because i didnt know what else To Do.

for the past 664 days i walked.
because you told me to keep walking.
because the action i take holds more weight
than the words i say or the thoughts i think.

And all at once i realize that
im not following anymore.
The 'right thing' isnt as hard to come by
as it was a short while ago.
Thinking about you,
although unnatural to my selfishness
has become the heart.
Without the heart, life doesnt exist.
and it just kind of evolved.
into my life.

All at once i realized that
fighting God was not working anymore.
That it was never working.
and although unnatural to my "self sufficiency"
(also known as PRIDE)
i quit fighting.
and something's changed.
inside.

and it just kind of evolved
into this life...

that i would never
could never
have had - without you.