"The Whys are None of your Damn Business."

Conflict.
It seems that every time i think i know what i'm supposed to be doing
it turns out to be the wrong thing.
is it the wrong thing?
why must everything black and white?

A while back the witnesses came to the door.
...which i hate.
because they go on and on about how they dont judge like the others..
but spend the whole time pretty much telling you how you'll go to hell...
Yes. please. Sign me up for that.
but thats beside the point.
As the door opens - the first words out of their mouths:
"For i know the plans i have" and so on... and so on...
Not like i havent heard this a million times.
But do i believe a word?
"..not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

The Conflict:
Could i get a little heads up on that plan, God?
Why did you get me let me live
only to move me 1ooo miles away from the ones i love most?
Why did you guide me back to school
only to take away the plan?
Whats the plan now?
I love working with my guys... Its the only thing i know how to do.
But now you say - 'no. I have something else.'
Ok, ok.
Ok.
Just show me.
I dont want to move in any direction that isnt what you want for me.
Just tell me.
'love.'
What?! That's your grand plan?! Some Hippie-love-shit?!
'Love. Where ever you are. Whoever crosses your path.
With everything you have.
Don't complicate it. Don't complicate My Love. Just Live it.'

(How does one live a Love that they dont understand?
...thats for another time, i think...)

The whys are still none of my business.
You have reason. and no matter how much i feel like i need to know...
maybe the truth is - i dont.
Maybe if i knew - i'd run like hell.
Maybe my focus needs to not be on the end result right now - that future plan.
Maybe it should just be on the today. on the walk.
Life now is everything i never knew i could have when i was in hell.
...nothing i wanted, and everything i needed.

Our hope is now.
and not yet.